I Took A Beating
I have decided I’m going to write to you all a happy post because I know you’re all sick of my moaning and groaning. I have just finished the most depressing and trying school year ever! That was the worst, but I’m not going to dwell on it. I’m moving on. After having completed four years of college it seems like I haven’t accomplished much. People keep asking me how many years I have left and I feel embarrassed to tell them that I still have a year and a half of classes left and a semester of internship to finish. I had taken one year of Bible classes at Prov. and then I took the general courses at the community college here and graduated with an associate of arts degree and then I transferred to the university to pursue my degree in Social Work. I just thought that I would explain that to you all in case you are confused as to why it’s taking me so long to finish.
Forever Grateful
The people that God has placed in my life have been such a blessing to me. I’m truly grateful for my family and friends who have carried me through. My relationships with these people remind me of God’s goodness. Realizing God’s goodness through bad times is a hard lesson to learn and for the longest time I thought that questioning God was wrong to do, but I think that in order to maintain an honest and open relationship with him, maybe questioning him is a necessary part of the process.
Now More Than Ever
I am extremely joyful and happy to announce that on Monday I start my new job working at a nursing home again and on Friday I move into my very own place. I’ve never had my own place before. I’ve always lived at home or in a dorm so it will be a new experience for me. I’m so excited! I’ve spent many nights on my grandparent’s couch this year and I’ve been staying with them since I moved out of the dorm and until I can move into my apartment. I think that they really appreciate having me there and I enjoy their company. I have discovered that grandparents make the best roommates! In a week my grandparent’s and I will be neighbors because my apartment is just down the hall from theirs.
Angst (Tuesday, April 14, 2009)
I hate the fleshiness of this school. I’m sitting here writing a journal article critique on an article focusing on attitude changes on homosexuality. If nothing else reading this article has reinforced my negative views on the subject. I hate how they label you homophobic if you do not support or have gay (happy) feelings towards homosexuality. It seems like accepting it and being homophobic are the only two options they give you. I am not homophobic. Just because I disagree with that kind of a lifestyle doesn’t make me afraid of the people who engage in that way of living. Think of it this way, I really dislike green beans, but that doesn’t cause me to be afraid of the people who grow them in their gardens. I don’t dislike people who prepare and serve green beans in their meals and I don’t hate people who eat them. I just don’t like the taste of them and refuse to eat them myself. Does that make me afraid of green beans? I think not. I can live in a world with green beans and be at peace with people who consume them and still hold my negative attitudes/biases towards them. I don’t judge people for eating green beans so I shouldn’t be judged for not eating them. Maybe comparing homosexuality to green beans isn’t very wise, but it gets my point across.
Sometimes I long to go back to my conservative Canadian Bible college where I had nothing to fear, didn’t feel the need to protect myself from the world, I could trust, and I felt safe on many levels. It’s been three years now and I still remember all of things that I have learned there. I learned so much there academically, about myself, and I encountered God in a whole new way. The difference between a Bible college and a secular college is this: the knowledge that one obtains at a Bible college is used for the here and now and for eternity and the knowledge one obtains at a secular college is used during the duration of lifetime spent on earth. It’s simply temporary versus eternal.
I should probably finish my paper now so I can sleep. I just want to add one more thought. I don’t think that social work is the only setting in which one has to keep their personal biases, attitudes and beliefs distinguishable from their professional attitudes and beliefs (the ones that are expected of them for that particular profession). Think about the way Jesus handled people while he walked the face of this earth. If he didn’t keep his personal biases at bay than he wouldn’t of been able to do what he did for us on the cross.
Today 4/17/09
So, the Newsboys are in North Dakota right now. That is exciting news. I thought about going to see them, but I don’t think the show would of been the same without Peter Furler. The loss of Peter just changes everything. Instead, I decided to come home to catch up on my sleep and watch reruns of Good Times. I really shouldn’t have to feel guilty about being lazy, but I do. My body is in desperate need of sleep. I am sleep deprived. Lately, I’ve been waking up before my alarm clock gets the chance to even wake me. One morning I got up at 4 am and the next I got up at 6:30 am. I’m not sure what keeps waking me up, but it’s frustrating because after I’m awake I am unable to fall back to sleep again. Thankfully my bed here is the most comfortable place on earth.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
God is still God.
I’m awaiting with great anticipation and expectation, for my next adventure.
My mother is making homemade banana bread at this very moment.
I miss writing and sharing my thoughts with you.
The truth will prevail!
I have a new found love for Vota!
“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30
I need to stop letting people and circumstances get me down.
Reading stuff written by Karen Kingsbury changes me.
I miss my brother and wish he would come home to escape the flooding.
The thought of Michael leaving “The Office” saddens me.
I really need to go outside and enjoy the sunshine while it lasts.
Spider Solitare Statistics
Games played: 1374
Games won: 833
Win percentage: 60%
Longest winning streak: 11
Longest losing streak: 7
Current streak: 1
Don’t go thinking I’m crazy
but my fear is it’s too late
won’t go making no trouble
’cause I feel like I could break
all of those times I ran away
from all of those things I used to say
all of those plans I had
to give it all
and I feel like I could break
and I feel like I could break
now it’s more than I can take
and I feel like I could break
don’t go thinking I’m crazy
but I’m feeling your heartache
your creation through your eyes
there is pain it’s no mistake
closer I get to you I see
souls full of hurt, full of need
the closer I get I see less of me
and I feel like I could break
and, I feel like I could break
lord, I know now it’s getting late
let my heart be broken by your heartache
and I feel like I could break
now, it’s more than I can take
’cause all of those times I ran away
from all of those things I used to say
and all of those pains I feel
revealed to me
I am now on my Christmas break and thoroughly enjoying my reprieve from that way too liberal school.
I’m anxiously awaiting new years day when I will be reunited with close friends and wedding cake.
I want to flee the country and take you with me and never return.
“I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle and it steel wooden whistle. So then I bought a tin whistle and now I tin whistle.” - Sweet Land
I’m sure you all have heard of the story that’s been released on the news about the man who lost his house and all of his possessions and more importantly his wife and two young children because of a military Jet plane that crashed on his house. The pilot was able to eject himself and come out of the accident safely. This is such a sad story and at the same time it has a great message in it.
This man’s story is very similar to that of Job’s. Both men lost everything. Job handled it by flying off the handle, going into depression, cursing the day he was born, questioning God and arguing with him. This Korean man chose to handle it in the total opposite way that Job did. This man handled it in a way that I think Jesus would of handled it. He chose to not be angry with the pilot. He forgave him and asked people to pray for him so that he would not suffer from this. He chose to love this man despite the circumstance. This man is amazing. I can’t honestly say I could of done the same. I think that if I were in his shoes I would have handled things a lot like Job did.
I really wish I knew his name so I wouldn’t have to keep calling him “this man.” Amidst this man’s devastating tragedy he chose to take advantage of the opportunity to live out and to teach the world the greatest commandments which are the following: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew22:37-3. In order for this man to humble himself and deal with the situation like he did, he needed to love. I think that the timing for this incident is perfect. We are now preparing for the celebration of Jesus’ birthday, the day that the came into the world to teach us to love and to show us his love by dying on the cross to pay the price for our sins. No body has any reason not to celebrate this holiday.
Grabbing a cup of coffee and driving around town looking at Christmas lights while listening to Christmas music has become a new favorite hobby of mine. I know some people think that is boring, but it gives me time to think and pray. Christmas music is worship. Not the songs like Rudolph or Frosty the Snowman, but the songs that sing about Christ’s entrance into the world. These lights that people hang up remind me of the fact that Jesus came into this world to be the light in a dark place. He wants us to remain in his light. We are to be like shining lights and not just shining at Christmas time, but all throughout the year. Some of the light shows with santa and reindeer are kind of silly and then there’s some that are kind pretty to look at.
As far as school goes, I’m finally done with all of my papers and assignments. Now I just have to buckle down and study for my finals. I’m kind of disappointed right now because my brother came home today and I am stuck here having to wait until Friday so that I can go home and be with my family. We don’t get to be together much as a family anymore. All four of us have very busy schedules and it’s hard to get them to line up . We are having our celebration this weekend because my brother has to work during Christmas and this is the only time that we will all be in one place. I am very blessed to have a family to go home to this Christmas season. I’m thankful for having a family to be reunited with. I feel terrible for that man who lost his family. I can’t fathom not having my family.
Truly He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace…” - O Holy Night
I made a list of all the things that I need to get done before the end of the semester and I have two papers yet to write and four finals to study for and take and then I am finished for the semester. That is encouraging! I can’t wait for this semester to be over with. This has been such an awkward semester, but I’m not complaining. I’m learning to deal with the awkward because that’s just part of life.
I realize that lately I’ve been kind of negative and complaining a lot and for those of you who are reading this and have been effected by this in anyway. I apologize. Please forgive me. I’m trying. I’m trying not to complain and get down about the things that I have no control over and cannot change. I’m trying to switch my focus because I somehow lost it. I sometimes find myself wondering how I get into the places that I end up in and the problem is that I never realize that I’m in those places until I’m out of them. I’m not talking about physical places either. Don’t worry. I know where I am at. Honestly, I do!
I‘m human and I fall short. My God is mighty to save. I have given him plenty of reasons to just say the heck with me and to give up on me, but he doesn’t. He never leaves. He doesn’t quit. He never stops pursuing me. He’s truly my mainstay. He loves me unconditionally and he’s always willing to take me back and forgive me without any hesitation. I’m forever grateful for all that he has done, is doing, and will do for me. I don’t deserve his grace, forgiveness, and love and yet I continually receive it.
One never realizes how big a pan is until it’s contents are spilled all over the kitchen. When I was home last weekend for Thanksgiving I had put some warm water in a pan to let it soak so that it will be easier to clean and I wasn’t aware of there small hole in the bottom of the pan. There was water dripping off of the counter into drawers and it was producing Lake Michigan on the floor. I’m a total disaster in the kitchen. When my mother walked into the kitchen and saw this mess of mine, that is the moment when I reminded her that I would be back in a few weeks to stay for a whole month. She was thrilled I tell ya! If I could, I would spend the rest of my life living at home with my parents. I love being home. I don’t care what you think Bartlett is my glimpse of paradise!
I don’t think that I’ve ever put a prayer request on here before, but if you wouldn’t mind saying a prayer or two for my uncle that would be greatly appreciated. My uncle is in the military and he was just home for a short leave. On his way back to Iraq he found out that he has a blood clot in his leg and so they flew him to a hospital in Germany. He’s had this problem once before and we all think that the blood clot is a blessing in disguise because now he gets to come home by/before Christmas. I would much rather have him in a hospital with a blood clot than have him on the battle grounds any day. He’s much safer in a hospital.
Tip Of The Day:
When you make a list of things that you need to get done, put some tasks on there that you know you have already completed so that you can instantly have the feeling of accomplishment.
This beautiful song is “Your Love Is Strong” by Jon Foreman. The lyrics to this song are essentially the Lord’s Prayer, which gives us a template on how to pray. Often times I wonder why people are so structured and ritualized with their prayer lifes. Don’t get me wrong. I know that there are some elements of prayer that need to be habitual such as thanksgiving/praise, but would you like to have the same conversation with the same person everyday? I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I also wonder why we need to tell him what we do because he knows our thoughts and knows what we are going to say before we even say it. So why do we need to tell him? Because I think that he wants to know that we want him to know what he already knows. Got it? Get it? Good. The fact that he wants to hear about the insignificant and important, positive and negative, exciting and boring, and everything in between amazes me. “He hears our sighs and counts our tears.” He cares more than we realize. Good communication is a must in any relationship. Our relationship with the Lord is similar to our relationship with people. They both need time and effort and good communication a.k.a. prayer. I guess these are just somethings that I’ve been thinking about lately.
Right now I am home and happy. There is no place like home. The snow here enticed me to get out my Christmas music and I got my little tree out and decorated my room. It’s so festive looking, makes me not want to leave. I love this time of year. I also shamefully ate a whole box of fudge mint cookies by myself, in one day. I’m horrible I know, but I enjoyed every single one of them. My mother found a book for me titled “Still Hungry After All These Years” by Richard Simmons. The title alone…HAHA…I can’t wait to read it, someday when I got absolutely nothing better to do.
Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one
I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day
So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need
Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you’ve found?
Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me
(Chorus 3x)
Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons
