A Wrinkle In Time

Rumors are like the wild fires happening in California right now; they are uncontrolable, they can’t be contained and they continue to spread with no end insight.  Years ago there was rumor that got started about me that hurt me really bad and it changed the way people thought of me.  People didn’t see it as a rumor they saw it as the truth, but it wasn’t the truth at all it was so far from the truth….I’m not trying to dig up the past, but I still feel like people are judging me this way and maybe writing about it will make me feel better.  I thought I could just sit back and over time this would go away, but I don’t feel like it has.  I want people to judge me for who I am not who I’m not. What really erks me the most is the fact that the people who judge me most of the time don’t even take the time to get to know me and to find out the truth about me. I just don’t understand it and I’m tired of it.  I’m realizing that the solution to my problem is to simply stop letting other people’s thoughts and opinions about me control my life.  I’m just going to be me.  Who else can I be?  People can say what they want about me.  I can’t control what others say, think, or do, but I can control how I react to it and how I allow others to impact my life.  People effect other people’s lives in ways they are unaware of for the good as well as the bad.  I think it’s good to care, but I believe that there are times and situations when it’s ok not to care.  I’m just not going to let this world get me down anymore.  I guess I just need to forgive and forget, well not necessarily forget, but to learn from all of this.  I truely believe that everything in life happens for a reason and something can be learnt from it.  Every thing that happens can be a learning experience if you let it.
  One thing that I have learned from this situation is that I can’t be afraid to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I shouldn’t base my opinions of others based on what other people think of them because then I’m just being judgemental.  There was this new employee at work and I overheard a lot of negative stuff about this person, but once I started working with her I found out that she was really nice, she helped me out with my responsibilites, she was a good worker, and she was just the total opposite of what I heard about her and I’m glad that I didn’t listen to the gossip and judge her.  People are unpredictable and sometimes difficult to interpret and this blog is making no sense at all, but that’s ok.

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become –because he made us.  He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be…It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.”
-C.S. Lewis

Tip Of The Day:
Make/find time out of every busy day to do something you enjoy because life’s too short to not be enjoyed.

  Yesterday, I went to work at 6 am like I usually do every Saturday morning, but this Saturday was different.  When I got there one of the nurses pulled me aside and told me that my Grandma had passed away.  We all knew it was coming she had been in the hospital for about a week and we knew she was slowly dying ( I wonder if she knew she was dying) and there was nothing they could really do for her.  Surgery was an option but at the age of 93 her body most likely wouldn’t have been able to pull through it so they brought her back to the nursing home, which is where she died. 
  While my Grandma was in the hospital I did get a chance to go up there and see her for the last time and I’m glad I went.  While I was there she slept most of the time, but there was a time when she did wake up and she saw me there. I’m not sure if she remembered who I was or not, but she motioned for me to come to her and so I did and she hugged me and kissed my head and it was like she was saying goodbye to me.  This meant a lot to me and this is the last memory I have of her.  I knew my Grandma loved me and that makes it all the more difficult to lose her.
  When my Grandma Hooey was in the hospital years ago, Grandma Grace took care of my Dad and uncle and this is how Grace became part of the Hooey family.  We adopted her.  I was blessed to have 3 Grandmas.  Not many people get that privilege.  I’ve known Grandma grace all of my life and I have many good memories of her and I also have some memories that I wish I could go back and change.  Death has a way of bringing about regret.  Looking back now I realize that I should have been more paitent with my Grandma.  Especially during the last few years of her life when she started to forget things/people.  I took it personally when she forgot who I was.  It hurt me, but I should have been more sympathetic and understanding towards her.  It wasn’t her fault that she was getting forgetful.  She couldn’t help it.  I guess I just didn’t know how to handle the situation.  I didn’t understand what she was going through and hopefully I’ll never have to go through that.  I also wish that I would have went and visited her more often.  When she was put into to the nursing home I didn’t go visit her as much anymore, but I’m glad that I got see her just about everyday when I started working at the home.  It’s going to be really different not setting a place for her at the dinner table and seeing here there.  I’m sure going to miss her.  I already do.  I’m glad she was a part of my life.  I will never forget her and all the things that she has taught me.
  Many times I learn life lessons from people after they are gone.  Maybe I learn these things while they are still alive, but I just don’t realize it until later I don’t know.  It’s important for us to be careful how we live out our lives because we just don’t realize what an impact we have on others.  This isn’t my first experience dealing with death.  I’ve also lost my Grandpa Hooey, my auntie Jane, uncle Eddie, and good friends Don and Vera Summers.  It never gets any easier.
  Death is painful.  Death is hard to understand.  Death is all part of the plan.  Death is inevitable.  Death is hard to accept because eternity was set into the hearts of men.  We think that people should last forever and that’s why it’s so hard to understand when someone’s life ends, but it’s not the end.  Death is not the end.  Death is a new beginning. Death brings us freedom from this corrupted world and ultimately death brings us to our Savior.

“Life on earth is just the dress rehearsal before the real production.  You will spend far more time on the other side of death –in eternity– than you will here.  Earth is the staging area, the preschool, the tryout for your life in eternity.  It is the practice workout before the actual game;  the warm-up lap before the race begins.  This life is preparation for the next.”  -Rick Warren

Tip Of The Day:
“Hold on to what you’ve been given lately.  Hold on to what you know you’ve got.  Hold on to what you’ve been given lately.  Hold on ’cause the world will turn if your ready or  not.”  -Hold On By KT Tunstall